feeling a little down...

I'm starting to see how hard this journey of mine is going to be. Today, I'm still sore from my first three days of exercising. I tried exercising yesterday but I was so sore it became a struggle to even sit down and stand up. After taking a long hot bath with some some moisturizing bath cubes yesterday, I can feel the tension in my legs, butt, and abs wearing off. Unfortunately, today has been extremely slow. My stomach has been hurting, and I think it's from my new medication. It'll pass though, for sure.

So today, I haven't done anything exercise-wise. I have been procrastinating, I know. It's so hard to make myself just get in the floor and DO IT! So, to try and make up for it, I waited to see how my limbs were feeling all day today. Instead of actually stretching and jogging, I decided that I would go do my grocery shopping and other errands. I parked as far from every store as possible, and walked fast enough to get my heart rate up. That's a start, I guess! Hopefully tomorrow with Bryan here I will be back in the full swing of things.

Despite my lack of motivation today, I feel good. I'm feeling good about myself, and I keep telling myself that I can't wait to be skinny. I've been looking at the Thinspiration blog a lot today to prep myself for tomorrow's hard day of working out. Hopefully it'll pay off!

I'm rather proud of myself, though. Today, I StumbledUpon a great DIY bracelet craft that I can't wait to try out. I love making things. I'm very artsy, and I think these bracelets will make perfect Christmas presents! When I finish my first one, I'll post a picture. :)

Also, a friend of mine, Mindy, invited me to go over to a party with her tonight. I think I'm going to pass though, so as to avoid the temptation of snacks and drinks. I could go and drink water, sure. But when I'm around other people that are eating lots, I give in. It's better just not to tempt myself.

So tonight, I think I will put on a couple of Crest Whitestrips to whiten my teeth a bit, and see if I can't make myself do a little mini-workout. Maybe I'll burn enough calories to lose at least one pound. :)

This stuff is tough... I hate how easy it is to gain weight, but hard it is to lose it. :(  More than anything, I just want to be back in a size 6 jeans, walk into my mom and dad's house at Christmas, and see the looks on their faces. My whole family, for that matter! I just want to hear my parents say "You look great!" and "You've lost weight!" and "I'm so proud of you!"

I know losing weight isn't everything, and my parents would love me either way... I know I need to focus on my finals next week and next semester's classes... I know I need to focus on saving money and whatnot. But I just want to get at LEAST 50lbs OFF!!! I know, I just know in my heart, that if I lose this weight, I will feel better about myself, and I will be more motivated in class, too. I just keep telling myself:

I WILL LOSE 50lbs!

I WILL LOSE 50lbs!

I WILL LOSE 50lbs!

And I will. I will lose 50lbs, and I will look fantastic, and I will turn heads hard enough to induce whiplash.